Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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