he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
