ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
