We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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