So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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