pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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