I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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