I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
