Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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