I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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