i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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