That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
