they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
