Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
