We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
