i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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