TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
