How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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