census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i out mim tonsoeep
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize