I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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