do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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