i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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