So drunk its hurt
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
