people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Everclear isn't food dammit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
