Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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