I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
