I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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