if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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