Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
