there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
that is very illegal...i love you.
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