that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I love you. Go after that dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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