my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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