dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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