I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
