Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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