I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
