I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
