Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
foreskin is a definite game changer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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