My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
