hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
