when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
