If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
