he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
