By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
