How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
