And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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