While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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