I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
