my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
