guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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