we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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