every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
