I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize