i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
