hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
