btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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