The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
