dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
