somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
