I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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