What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
