I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
